Musings on Diaries...and this one in particular

Last night I watched a somewhat interesting documentary on diaries. I say somewhat interesting because it featured selected diarists: a gay man murdered in the 60s, Kenneth Williams and the wife of Joss Ackland and how they used their diaries. I know I was waiting for a focus on blogs etc. although I suppose that will come in the later episodes.

It did make me think about this blog though and what I use it for, what I have to say. I don't kid myself about having a huge readership, although I do write as if someone is reading. That way I think I protect myself from having to have a conversation with myself. If it's just me reading and writing, I think I'd have to be more open. With someone reading, I can skim over the details and thoughts. Plus there's the fear of discovery: someone in real life finding out about this and reading it. That thought terrifies me and I wonder what exactly I'm afraid of.

Actually, that's a totally redundant thought. I know I don't want people to read this. Why? Because this is what I think and I'm too afraid to say "this is what I think and I don't give a damn what you think about it". It's all connected to self-esteem. Yawn, I know, but there it is.