I am about a third of the way moved into my new house. So far, the IKEA furniture is in but not assembled. All the appliances are over but not unpacked. My suite, beds and washing machine are being delivered Friday and next Wednesday respectively. This afternoon I will pack up some more of my stuff, and maybe we can get the double wardrobe over tonight.
Despite the excitement of moving in, I can't help but feel very frustrated sometimes. My mother, bless her, is going full pelt with this and I wish that she would back off, just a little. Washing my tea towels in advance, suggesting sheet and duvet combos from off the TV and really just being a little too involved for my liking. Don't get me wrong, I love the fact that she's helping but I want the room to make my own decisions. Hopefully, once we're in, Stu and I can do it our way. Up until now, I feel like I'm holding back because I don't want to offend my mother. Whenever you criticise my mother, she becomes very melodramatic. Yesterday I said something trivial and she replied that "Oh, you'll miss me when I'm gone. One day you'll say that my mother would have done it for me, now no-one else will." That is what I'm trying to avoid.
Monday 28 September 2009
Thursday 17 September 2009
Be Prepared!
Whenever I go out somewhere I always feel underprepared. Tonight is a classic example. Stu and I headed up to Andrew's place for Jack's 12th birthday party. As usual, Stuart's family congregated for a Chinese. It's how they celebrate every occasion and after three years, I'm so bored. Plus it didn't really feel like a 12 year old's birthday. We all sat around on the couch, all twelve of us, eating the takeaway off our laps while watching "Are You Smarter Than A Ten Year Old?" I could have stayed home and done that. For Jack's part, he remained casually uninterested and I don't blame him.
The point of the post is that I felt underprepared, despite wearing a nice top and a fair amount of make-up. I hadn't put handcream on and it made me feel like a failure. I knew that I'd be meeting up with Jo and Leah and I felt like I needed to be the skinniest and prettiest of us, the three girlfriends, as Leah and Jo have both just had babies. I don't have the social attributes, I know this, so I try and plug the gap by having the physical attributes. I just feel like I need to be perfect. I feel like I need to have perfectly coiffered hair and great clothes and a skinny waist before anyone will take me seriously.
Plus my "failure mood" was enhanced by the fact that I didn't really want to have a Chinese. It stemmed from me being invited to eat something I knew I shouldn't. I knew that I would feel, and still do feel, so guilty about eating it. I would have used the dieting excuse but since I have eaten two custard tarts, a fruit trifle and a full bowl of cheesy mash, it wouldn't really stand up to scrutiny. To be honest, much of the anti-Chinese was due to my own guilt about my lack of dieting.
I also feel like it needs mentioning: when Karen and Mark quizzed me about my career prospects, I couldn't really answer and said "Oh, I don't know what I'm doing." They both gave me a look of disbelief and I could have quite happily ripped a shred off my forearm. Moreover, I am quibbling over whether I should make myself sick before bedtime. Hmm.
The point of the post is that I felt underprepared, despite wearing a nice top and a fair amount of make-up. I hadn't put handcream on and it made me feel like a failure. I knew that I'd be meeting up with Jo and Leah and I felt like I needed to be the skinniest and prettiest of us, the three girlfriends, as Leah and Jo have both just had babies. I don't have the social attributes, I know this, so I try and plug the gap by having the physical attributes. I just feel like I need to be perfect. I feel like I need to have perfectly coiffered hair and great clothes and a skinny waist before anyone will take me seriously.
Plus my "failure mood" was enhanced by the fact that I didn't really want to have a Chinese. It stemmed from me being invited to eat something I knew I shouldn't. I knew that I would feel, and still do feel, so guilty about eating it. I would have used the dieting excuse but since I have eaten two custard tarts, a fruit trifle and a full bowl of cheesy mash, it wouldn't really stand up to scrutiny. To be honest, much of the anti-Chinese was due to my own guilt about my lack of dieting.
I also feel like it needs mentioning: when Karen and Mark quizzed me about my career prospects, I couldn't really answer and said "Oh, I don't know what I'm doing." They both gave me a look of disbelief and I could have quite happily ripped a shred off my forearm. Moreover, I am quibbling over whether I should make myself sick before bedtime. Hmm.
Wednesday 16 September 2009
Scrap that!
Well, I may as well have not written anything this morning. As of now, the medical dream is back on! UEA got back to me and said "top up your Biology, sit another AS and we'll take you on the A100". Score!
I feel awesome!
I feel awesome!
Life Update
Good morning!
A lot has happened in the last few weeks and I have not updated very consistently. Firstly, I failed my A Levels. OK, so I didn't fail but I got a D and an E and the dream of medicine is over. I am halfway to "at peace" with the decision. I am still uneasy with having to tell all everyone that my dream career is over. It's embarrassing and everyone is going to think that I am lazy and stupid. I happily embrace the former quality but not the latter. Now I have to find a new direction. It has sprung up at a nearby university that I once described as "for thickos". Oh, how ironic fate is! It's a foundation course that will lead to a BSc in Health Sciences. I have to e-mail the course advisor and ask his advice. If he says yes, hooray! If he says no, it's back to the drawing board with my two A Levels and find something else. If the science career fails to come off, I will chance becoming an English teacher.
Regret and hindsight are powerful but useless right about now. It's totally pointless to wish for a time machine to travel back to 2002, shake my younger self and whisper "become a doctor and work fricking hard" into my own ear. Hmm, that's a very strange image. But daydreams aside, while I know that this situation is mainly my own fault, I lay a percentage of the blame at the foot of my school. They, the teachers, failed to recognise and support my potential and my train wreck life would be so much better had one of them stopped and said "hey, you know you're good enough for science A Levels, don't you?" I know I was anti-establishment and a bit difficult but I couldn't have been any worse than many of my classmates. *sigh*
In better news though, the mortgage is hopefully coming though. The house valuation is happening later today, on what would have been my grandfather's 83rd birthday. I should really be making a move. The guy will phone about half an hour before he's due to arrive at the house. Knowing my luck, as soon as I step in the shower, he'll phone and I'll go whizzing around the house like a ping pong ball trying to get myself sorted. Ho hum.
EDIT: He's been and gone and I stupidly gave him a lower amount than the one we want the house valued for. I am so in the shit.
Over at thedailymind.com he's written a post about technology making us depressed. I agree with the observations he's made, but then I'm a simplify-my-life kinda girl so I would. I wrote about when I gave up Facebook. Thinking about it, I've never been one to use social networking that much. I used and quit Facebook, MySpace, Bebo and a few blogs up until now. The most successful blog I held was for over two years at LiveJournal, where I had one of the first one million accounts. Back then, it was by invite only. *sigh* Those were the days...
The more I think about it, the more I like the isolation from the social networks. Everyone at work is raving about a farm game on Facebook and although I sometimes feel left out, ultimately I feel better because I'm not one of the herd.
Anywho, the bin smells a bit off and the sink is full of dishes, so I need to get my chores done and then head out to run a few errands.
A lot has happened in the last few weeks and I have not updated very consistently. Firstly, I failed my A Levels. OK, so I didn't fail but I got a D and an E and the dream of medicine is over. I am halfway to "at peace" with the decision. I am still uneasy with having to tell all everyone that my dream career is over. It's embarrassing and everyone is going to think that I am lazy and stupid. I happily embrace the former quality but not the latter. Now I have to find a new direction. It has sprung up at a nearby university that I once described as "for thickos". Oh, how ironic fate is! It's a foundation course that will lead to a BSc in Health Sciences. I have to e-mail the course advisor and ask his advice. If he says yes, hooray! If he says no, it's back to the drawing board with my two A Levels and find something else. If the science career fails to come off, I will chance becoming an English teacher.
Regret and hindsight are powerful but useless right about now. It's totally pointless to wish for a time machine to travel back to 2002, shake my younger self and whisper "become a doctor and work fricking hard" into my own ear. Hmm, that's a very strange image. But daydreams aside, while I know that this situation is mainly my own fault, I lay a percentage of the blame at the foot of my school. They, the teachers, failed to recognise and support my potential and my train wreck life would be so much better had one of them stopped and said "hey, you know you're good enough for science A Levels, don't you?" I know I was anti-establishment and a bit difficult but I couldn't have been any worse than many of my classmates. *sigh*
In better news though, the mortgage is hopefully coming though. The house valuation is happening later today, on what would have been my grandfather's 83rd birthday. I should really be making a move. The guy will phone about half an hour before he's due to arrive at the house. Knowing my luck, as soon as I step in the shower, he'll phone and I'll go whizzing around the house like a ping pong ball trying to get myself sorted. Ho hum.
EDIT: He's been and gone and I stupidly gave him a lower amount than the one we want the house valued for. I am so in the shit.
Over at thedailymind.com he's written a post about technology making us depressed. I agree with the observations he's made, but then I'm a simplify-my-life kinda girl so I would. I wrote about when I gave up Facebook. Thinking about it, I've never been one to use social networking that much. I used and quit Facebook, MySpace, Bebo and a few blogs up until now. The most successful blog I held was for over two years at LiveJournal, where I had one of the first one million accounts. Back then, it was by invite only. *sigh* Those were the days...
The more I think about it, the more I like the isolation from the social networks. Everyone at work is raving about a farm game on Facebook and although I sometimes feel left out, ultimately I feel better because I'm not one of the herd.
Anywho, the bin smells a bit off and the sink is full of dishes, so I need to get my chores done and then head out to run a few errands.
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