Stress

I feel very stressed at the moment. Very, very stressed, actually...much more than I think I realised before I sat down to write this.

I am actively procrastinating from studying because there is so much to learn and so very little time in which to learn it. I have...well, I was trying to calculate the amount of work to get through but I can't. It's just too much, and I've entered that "I don't really care!" phase which is deadly, given that this time is the very last shot and if August results are crap, I'm off to nursing. And I hate nursing. I could spend tonight planning how to spend my remaining weeks but it will be a pointless exercise. I will endeavour to study until around about 1am, but given that it's already past 11pm, I don't think it'll be very productive.

Giving myself the weekend off turned out to be the worst thing I did. I mean, I know I couldn't realistically work on my birthday but still, I had Monday off which extended into Tuesday and before I knew it, it was Wednesday and I was still in my PJs at 6pm and therefore not attending college...Tomorrow will be a fresh start. At least, I'm saying it will be, but I don't know if I believe myself. Plus, tomorrow I have to phone work (another source of stress) and then I have to go and see Mrs Lewis (another source of stress) and then I have college (another source of stress)...

More stress...this situation at work. I feel like I'll end up rolling over and playing dead. I phoned HR today and it turns out that nothing has been done and she has come back to work without so much as a bop on the nose. I had to have informal counselling for what I said; she makes to attack me and is let back to work with sympathy all round because of her personal circumstances. Grr. J is still off sick, the rep has disappeared off the face of the planet and I know that WH just wants to sweep this under the carpet. I am worried though...more worried than I want to be but I can't help it. I don't feel like anybody is on my side.

Then there's this whole business about the house and how I feel about moving out and my poor parents...I feel so guilty about it and also very...like a child who literally doesn't want to leave their mother. The Mothership has been whinging about the time the Boyf spends looking for homewares, calling it it effeminate, despite the fact that I am just not interested.

I started this entry and now Yahoo! Messenger wants me to close it...