Depressed and Guilty Beyond All Reason

Right at this moment, I feel very depressed. The immediate problem is that I have work in the morning. Now, if you just pushed the random button and stumbled across my blog you need to know that I'm a nurse and work three 12.5 hour shifts a week. This week I worked Sunday, Monday and Tuesday 7pm til 7:30am. I finished up on Wednesday morning and am not back in work til Monday night, so I don't particularly appreciate going back into work tomorrow for a totally useless First Aid study course. I work in A&E, you know, so the likelihood of me ever needing to practice first aid are remote.

The logistics of going back into work are this: I need to wash my hair. Guh. I also need to get a smart, stylish set of clothes together so that my colleagues so me as smart and stylish. Because that's important to me. I also need to buy two birthday cards for two of my former work colleagues and drop them off, along with two biology textbooks for another former colleague. I also need to try and get a reasonable degree of sleep together but given that I'm still nocturnal, I'm not likely to head off to sleep until the small hours and then have to get up at 5:15 to get into work for 7am. Gah gah gah. Plus I need to pick up a parcel from the post office and something for my mother's birthday, despite being told not to what with the financial situation at the moment. Then I'm look at hours and hours of housework tomorrow afternoon. Then it'll be 9pm and my boyfriend will be here wanting to stay over and my room is totally messy and I'll have done no studying.

I feel even more guilt about not studying these days because I may have to work bank so I need to up the ante on my studying and I'm not so my guilt is increasing exponentially. So that's my headspace. Plus my parents are looking at potentially losing theirs jobs and given that I'm the only one with a stable job,I'm the one that's going to have to work my hours and jeapardise my career. And that's totally selfish but it's how I feel.