Picture the scene: I am on my sofa with my laptop. At my right is my Moleskine diary and a few highlighters, on my left are this morning's breakfast dishes and a pen. I am ready to write my to-do list. The afternoon is full of promise and potential...and then the phone rings.
I have to admit that my day is not without any structure. At 5:15pm (approximately) Stuart will come home from work and then head out to college for 6pm. I have around 45 minutes in which to feed and water him. But that is the only event on today's horizon. Or it was.
The phone call? My mother phoned and asked if I wanted to make cake with her tonight. Can you say no to your own mother? I can't. I now have about three hours in which to squeeze everything I wanted to do, then feed Stuart and then go over to mum's and be Delia. She will expect me to stay until around 9pm (the time that Stuart finishes college) and then I will come home and have to sit with Stuart for a bit until he decides to go to bed, at which point I feel guilty because I don't want him to feel lonely in bed but I also want to stay up and blog.
Rargh-rargh-rargh-ma-ma <--------- the words of Lady Gaga.
The moral of the story: do it now, because you never know when people will put things on you. But I should already have these words seared on my eyelids.
Tuesday 12 January 2010
To Quote the Eagles: You're Afraid It's All Been Wasted Time...
Thought for the day: if I got Twitter back, would I use it? I certainly like the idea of tweeting but can I really be bothered?
Well, yesterday was a waste of time. The reason? Me + fanfic = wasted day. It's like it used to be when I was approaching exams. The closer the exams got, the more fanfic I read. I particularly enjoyed Of the Balance Not Born of Blood or Honour and Echoes of the Balance. I now have three Merlin fanfics of my own spinning around my head and not allowing me to concentrate, especially when I go to bed.
I must have spent about five hours reading fanfiction yesterday, between running my dad back and forth to the garage and then down to town, where he bought paint and then treated us to a cooked breakfast. Yesterday's to do list has become today's to do list and I must now plan the rest of the week to make up for wasted time. This includes time in the study, time in the kitchen, a trip to Cardiff...my week off has vanished before me.
I'm so mad at myself for wasting the weekend too. On Friday and Saturday we slept late, until at least 11am, and then spent time fooling around. By the time we prised ourselves from the bedroom, showered and dressed and got ready to face the day, it was mid-afternoon. I like sex, but not so much I would have it compromise my productivity. Feeling productive and checking things off my list leaves me far more emotionally satisfied anyway.
Anyway, time's up. I've got my Moleskine diary at my side and I'm preparing to write out today's to-dos and the working plan for the week. I am shutting the laptop down to help. Just remember, self, when I work and unleash my potential, I am incredible.
Well, yesterday was a waste of time. The reason? Me + fanfic = wasted day. It's like it used to be when I was approaching exams. The closer the exams got, the more fanfic I read. I particularly enjoyed Of the Balance Not Born of Blood or Honour and Echoes of the Balance. I now have three Merlin fanfics of my own spinning around my head and not allowing me to concentrate, especially when I go to bed.
I must have spent about five hours reading fanfiction yesterday, between running my dad back and forth to the garage and then down to town, where he bought paint and then treated us to a cooked breakfast. Yesterday's to do list has become today's to do list and I must now plan the rest of the week to make up for wasted time. This includes time in the study, time in the kitchen, a trip to Cardiff...my week off has vanished before me.
I'm so mad at myself for wasting the weekend too. On Friday and Saturday we slept late, until at least 11am, and then spent time fooling around. By the time we prised ourselves from the bedroom, showered and dressed and got ready to face the day, it was mid-afternoon. I like sex, but not so much I would have it compromise my productivity. Feeling productive and checking things off my list leaves me far more emotionally satisfied anyway.
Anyway, time's up. I've got my Moleskine diary at my side and I'm preparing to write out today's to-dos and the working plan for the week. I am shutting the laptop down to help. Just remember, self, when I work and unleash my potential, I am incredible.
Sunday 10 January 2010
Musings on Diaries...and this one in particular
Last night I watched a somewhat interesting documentary on diaries. I say somewhat interesting because it featured selected diarists: a gay man murdered in the 60s, Kenneth Williams and the wife of Joss Ackland and how they used their diaries. I know I was waiting for a focus on blogs etc. although I suppose that will come in the later episodes.
It did make me think about this blog though and what I use it for, what I have to say. I don't kid myself about having a huge readership, although I do write as if someone is reading. That way I think I protect myself from having to have a conversation with myself. If it's just me reading and writing, I think I'd have to be more open. With someone reading, I can skim over the details and thoughts. Plus there's the fear of discovery: someone in real life finding out about this and reading it. That thought terrifies me and I wonder what exactly I'm afraid of.
Actually, that's a totally redundant thought. I know I don't want people to read this. Why? Because this is what I think and I'm too afraid to say "this is what I think and I don't give a damn what you think about it". It's all connected to self-esteem. Yawn, I know, but there it is.
It did make me think about this blog though and what I use it for, what I have to say. I don't kid myself about having a huge readership, although I do write as if someone is reading. That way I think I protect myself from having to have a conversation with myself. If it's just me reading and writing, I think I'd have to be more open. With someone reading, I can skim over the details and thoughts. Plus there's the fear of discovery: someone in real life finding out about this and reading it. That thought terrifies me and I wonder what exactly I'm afraid of.
Actually, that's a totally redundant thought. I know I don't want people to read this. Why? Because this is what I think and I'm too afraid to say "this is what I think and I don't give a damn what you think about it". It's all connected to self-esteem. Yawn, I know, but there it is.
Things I Can Do Tomorrow To Achieve My Goals 11/01/2010
I've had a really rubbish few days. We've slept so late this week and been so lazy first thing that it's nearly 4pm by the time we're dressed. I'm not getting anything done and it's because Stuart's off. We're taking the time to chill out but I had such great plans for these two weeks and they're already a quarter finished.
But before I start on tomorrow's objectives, I just have to tell you about Avatar. We saw it in the IMAX at the Odeon last night and I am still reeling. Avatar may just be the greatest film I have ever seen and I do not use terms like that lightly.
Let me stress that I was aware that there was hype about Avatar. I've known about it's existence for a while now but I really wasn't too bothered. There was this talk about it being a "game-changer" etc. but all I read into that was that too many fanboys were getting hyped up over what would turn into your average sci-fi action flick.
How wrong I was.
I won't give away the plot but suffice to say that I was totally blown away. The graphics, the sound, the story, the characters, the music (oh yes, despite it being James Horner on top recycling form!) aided by the 3D effects. It was incredible. As the credits rolled, I sat there in stunned silence when the auditorium moved around me. I wondered if they'd had the same life-changing experience I had. Yes, I know it's just a movie but it felt like more.
Writing this, I wonder if the 3D visuals had more to do with this than your average film but in any case it doesn't matter. I would go, and I will go, time and time again. It was just amazing, incredible and all those superlatives. My review of Avatar is meaningless: just go.
Tomorrow's goals:
- Redraft my personal statement.
- E-mail Nick
- Cancel Which
- Phone electricians x 2
- Write thank yous
- Post parcel
- Buy postcard
- Put my lamp together
- Listen to one chapter of Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone with my notebook at the ready.
- Start "10 Days to Self-Discipline"
- Knit.
- Blog/maybe write fanfic for one hour
- Take a photo for project 365
- Shine my sink
- Track my progress at Joe's goals.
Friday 8 January 2010
Poof!, or How Fast Time Flies When One Works Nights
I got up this morning after about 96 hours of gumph. It's been an eventful few days and I haven't had much sleep consequently.
A Brief Rundown:
Sunday night's high and low points: I ended up virtually specialing an old lady with a UTI. She threw herself on the floor, pulled my hair and screamed the place down.
Monday night's major happening: After the only good sleep of the week, my old lady from the night before was now feverish and unrousable. We also had a 68 year old intracranial brain haemorrhage with bad prognosis who still had a Guedel airway in. WTF?!
Tuesday night's best bits: A 63 year old man who'd rather crap himself in the bed than use his perfectly good legs to sit out on a commode. The dregs of his diarrhea were left on the commode for me to clean on Wednesday night.
Wednesday night was much better: No beds, no movement. We had a relatively quiet night and my colleague almost spoiled the plot of Harry Potter 7 for the second time!
On Tuesday-Wednesday night, we had major snowfall and it was touch and go as to whether we'd all get home. One of the girls eventually slept at a friend's after her mother had phoned to say it was treacherous where she lived. I drove home in single file traffic all the way up and I was lucky to get into my village. On the hill into the village, I skidded and slip all the way up. It was pretty scary.
My city based colleagues have no idea what driving in snow-bound rural areas is like and were less than sympathetic when I phoned in to say that I wouldn't be coming in. At 5pm, they told me that the police were picking nurses up in 4x4s. Having psyched myself up for not working and having only had three hours sleep, I was mortified when I told that I had to work. I was even more shocked when a taxi car showed up, and not the 4x4 I was promised. I also didn't fancy going as I've picked up contact dermatitis from a combination of excess handwashing, cheap soap and nitrile gloves. Latex gloves stretch, nitrile don't and they hurt like frick when you have to drag them over your knuckles to get them on and off.
Yesterday I slept a lot: from 8:30am until 13:15, then 15:15 until 18:30. In between I watched David Attenborough's Life (on insects) and after I woke up in the evening, we suited and booted up for the walk over to my mother's house for home made chips, ham, beans and pickles. I knitted after dinner while keeping an eye on Roman Holiday (isn't Audrey Hepburn gorgeous?). We came back after 11pm and went to bed at 3am (after some bedroom antics that I was surprised I was up for).
Suffice to say, after all that I am so relieved to be on annual leave now. My trip to Cardiff will have to be postponed until later but I can still achieve plenty.
Today's Line-up:
Take down the Christmas decorations
Clean the house top to bottom
Wash my duvet
Write and post our thank you cards
Track my progress on Joe's Goals
Track e-mails
Project 365 photo
Extras:
More knitting
Listen to a chapter of Harry Potter
Draft personal statement
Watch one episode of Gavin and Stacey
Put together the new lamp
Cancel Which subscription
Book two electricians
A Brief Rundown:
Sunday night's high and low points: I ended up virtually specialing an old lady with a UTI. She threw herself on the floor, pulled my hair and screamed the place down.
Monday night's major happening: After the only good sleep of the week, my old lady from the night before was now feverish and unrousable. We also had a 68 year old intracranial brain haemorrhage with bad prognosis who still had a Guedel airway in. WTF?!
Tuesday night's best bits: A 63 year old man who'd rather crap himself in the bed than use his perfectly good legs to sit out on a commode. The dregs of his diarrhea were left on the commode for me to clean on Wednesday night.
Wednesday night was much better: No beds, no movement. We had a relatively quiet night and my colleague almost spoiled the plot of Harry Potter 7 for the second time!
On Tuesday-Wednesday night, we had major snowfall and it was touch and go as to whether we'd all get home. One of the girls eventually slept at a friend's after her mother had phoned to say it was treacherous where she lived. I drove home in single file traffic all the way up and I was lucky to get into my village. On the hill into the village, I skidded and slip all the way up. It was pretty scary.
My city based colleagues have no idea what driving in snow-bound rural areas is like and were less than sympathetic when I phoned in to say that I wouldn't be coming in. At 5pm, they told me that the police were picking nurses up in 4x4s. Having psyched myself up for not working and having only had three hours sleep, I was mortified when I told that I had to work. I was even more shocked when a taxi car showed up, and not the 4x4 I was promised. I also didn't fancy going as I've picked up contact dermatitis from a combination of excess handwashing, cheap soap and nitrile gloves. Latex gloves stretch, nitrile don't and they hurt like frick when you have to drag them over your knuckles to get them on and off.
Yesterday I slept a lot: from 8:30am until 13:15, then 15:15 until 18:30. In between I watched David Attenborough's Life (on insects) and after I woke up in the evening, we suited and booted up for the walk over to my mother's house for home made chips, ham, beans and pickles. I knitted after dinner while keeping an eye on Roman Holiday (isn't Audrey Hepburn gorgeous?). We came back after 11pm and went to bed at 3am (after some bedroom antics that I was surprised I was up for).
Suffice to say, after all that I am so relieved to be on annual leave now. My trip to Cardiff will have to be postponed until later but I can still achieve plenty.
Today's Line-up:
Extras:
Tuesday 5 January 2010
I had booked a week of annual leave off to revise for the January exams. However, since I am now doing this, I no longer need my annual leave. We can’t rebook it for later in the year and to be honest, having worked over Christmas I’m looking forward to the break.
I’m quite lucky because my off-duty requests have fallen nicely and that, while I booked a week off, I’ve actually got 14 days off. I take one away for night recovery and preparation on either side of my leave but it’s a fantastic result.
Over these thirteen days, I plan to make complete or make progress on the following goals:
- Quit college and accept it as gracefully giving in, not failure – In line with goal 8, I’ll probably do some self-talk and blog a major entry in Ye Olde Blog. Going forward, I need to focus less on the qutting bit and more on the “what can I learn and where I am going from here?” side of it. TO MAKE PROGRESS
- Track my progress by visiting Joe’s Goals every day for six months – I’m doing well on this goal, since I can visit the site on my iPhone. I’d like to pare down the content a tad because it’s quite FlyLady heavy and I’m restarting the Babysteps later this month. TO MAKE PROGRESS
- Read all the Harry Potter books – this is fun so it won’t be hard. I need to catch up on what I’ve not read so far and consistently read a chapter a day going forward as a reward for general hard work. TO MAKE PROGRESS
- Set up FlyLady routines – I’m going to restart the Babysteps halfway through my leave and also figure out a way of fitting them around my 12.5 hour day and night shifts. TO MAKE PROGRESS
- Unsubscribe from newsletters, mailing lists, etc that I don’t really read – I’ve done all the unsubscribing, I just want to keep tabs on my inboxes for a month to see what’s coming in and what I’ve missed out. TO MAKE PROGRESS
- Get into nursing – I need to have my application finished by the 14th at the very latest. This is very high on my priority list: write my personal statement, get two referee statements, research funding and a few more university choices by the 14th at the absolute latest.TO COMPLETE APPLICATION PROCESS
- Finish “10 days to self-discipline” – I will blog these entries and see how to program goes. TO COMPLETE
- Sort out all the warranties and instructions for all my new appliances and electricals – this is part of Project Box Room. I need to get everything into folders, chuck all the crap and make sure I can get to what I want when I need it. I’d also really like to know how my breadmaker works! TO COMPLETE
- Sort out my/our finances – Again, part of Project Box Room. We need to see what’s coming in, what’s going out, when, how much, can we make savings, how much can we live without etc. Stuart is self-employed and I’ll be heading into student territory later this year so we really need to see what’s going on. TO COMPLETE
- Take the pushup/situp/squat challenges – Well, I put these on here, and I firmly intend to do them…but not just yet. I’d rather focus on getting onto my Wii Fit daily and in a few months I’ll take a look at these. NOTHING REQUIRED
- Knit a Gryffindor scarf – I need to continue knitting and taking lessons from my mother. That’s all a beginner like me can do, really. TO MAKE PROGRESS
- travel on the Trans-Siberian Railway/stay in the penthouse of a fancy hotel/Celebrate New Years in Time Square/Go to Paris – these travel goals are going on the backburner because the planned Disney holiday is going to take all the available money. NOTHING REQUIRED
- Buy a proper sellotape dispenser – Because my crappy plastic one did my head in over Christmas. I’m heading to Cardiff on Thursday afternoon or Friday morning to do this and a few other goals. TO COMPLETE
- Process the Xmas returns – The Animal slippers are returned and refunded, Mirror’s Edge is posted and awaiting return and the other thing is the damned ClickHeat crap, which I will sort in Cardiff on Thursday/Friday. TO COMPLETE
- Watch Gavin and Stacey season 1 – A fun goal to do while I am knitting/chilling/eating. TO COMPLETE
- Buy handbag essentials: new purse, iphone screen protectors and a case – Because I need all of the above. My poor purse can’t close anymore and my precious iPhone is scratched and chipped to hell. TO COMPLETE
- Get new windows/get a new boiler – We will see how we can do on these two after the finances are sorted…TO MAKE PROGRESS
- Hang up all the pictures and curtains etc. that need to be hung up, so that I can consider mt new home fully furnished – I have made my list. All I need is a man with a drill. We might get it done, we might not. TO MAKE PROGRESS
- Prepare early for Xmas 2010 – not like I was in 2009! – This is a more long-term goal. NOTHING REQUIRED
- Put dates into new diary and wall calendar – This requires getting everyone’s birthdays together but it’s most definitely doable. TO COMPLETE
- Get a utensil rack and hang it – Self-explanatory. My loose utensils are doing my head in. Everytime I shut the damn drawer, my pasta spoon gets caught. TO COMPLETE
- Cancel my Which subscription – Nice while it lasted but I can’t afford £10 a month for a magazine to tell me what epilator to buy, you know. TO COMPLETE
- Put my mother’s Le Creuset on Ebay – and a load of other stuff too! TO MAKE PROGRESS
- Put all our home videos on DVD – This is my mother’s birthday present and I really need to get the bulk of this done over my two weeks off. TO MAKE PROGRESS
- Go to DisneyWorld with my family – I’ve talked about this goal with my family a lot. In order to go in May 2011, we need to put about £100 aside per person per month. I really need to see who’s coming, persuade my mother and get a new ISA set up to hold the money. TO MAKE PROGRESS
- Sort my oven out – This depends on outside parties but I need to get fault finding reports off two electricians and send the invoices etc. off to my trading standards representative. TO MAKE PROGRESS
- Sort my lamp out – Put lamp together according to instructions. Also, contact Next to see about replacement glass bowls. TO COMPLETE
- Go rock climbing – I’d like to have done the taster climbing session with some friends by the end of the month. TO MAKE PROGRESS
- Visit relatives more often – All visits completed over Christmas. NOTHING REQUIRED
- Sort out my kitchen cupboard – Swap over the current food and dishes cupboards. TO COMPLETE
- Cancel my old cell phone – Dig out the old invoices and head over to the rotten, thieving shop and sort it out! TO COMPLETE
- Change all my lightbulbs to energy efficient ones – Because I want to be really, really environmentally friendly, even if climate change isn’t happening. TO COMPLETE
- Organise my work money so that I’m not scrambling around for it the night before – I’m on leave, so therefore don’t have to park! NOTHING REQUIRED
- Write more – I want to blog almost daily and maybe work on some fanfiction. More of an ongoing goal but it’s important to get going with it. TO MAKE PROGRESS
- Send out thank yous – This should have been done last week. TO COMPLETE
- Complete Project 365 – Obviously a long term goal but essential to take photos, and maybe more interesting photos, while I’m on leave. TO MAKE PROGRESS
After that epic goal review (well done if you made it this far!), I could very well have completed 16 goals, including this one! Can you get much more motivating?
Sunday 3 January 2010
Blogging and Goal Help 3/1/10
I have to admit that yesterday was pretty productive. I planned the week's meals and wrote them on the calendar, went food shopping, posted off Mirror's Edge and learned to knit!
The week's meals:
Tonight: Ham, potato wedges and veg
Monday: BBQ with rice
Tuesday: Chicken curry with potato wedges
Wednesday: Something tinned; Stuart goes straight to college so I am on my own.
Thursday: Pasta
Friday: Chinese with my parents?
Saturday: Out for a meal with Math and Charl.
Plus there's still plenty of biscuits around and a lot of tinned stuff for lunches. The whole point of the meal planning exercise is to empty out my cupboards before I switch them around during my annual leave later this week.
After meal planning, I went food shopping on my own while Stuart began work on his millionth assignment (more on that later). I spent just over £70 which was hefty for what I bought but I suppose that's the cost of living these days. It didn't seem fair though. Most of the stuff I need for dinner next week was already in the cupboard. What's expensive is the fruit and the Dolmio stuff I take to work. I really need to look at a way of producing yummy, microwavable meals that are cheap and easy to prepare. There were a few toiletries and things that are more expensive than food but it seemed really hefty for what we eat.
I would have gone to Cardiff with the Mothership had she had the energy. That scares me: that my mother doesn't have the energy anymore. I worry about her shoulders and her carpal tunnel syndrome reoccurring. It makes me sad.
In the end, I stayed home and we went to Mum's for chilli later. Then she got the knitting needles out and taught me my first bit of knitting! I was so excited, although I keep getting it wrong. I should be crossing over the needles, slackening my hands more etc. But hey ho, it's my first shot and I was quite pleased with my effort. There's a photo on my Flickr under day two of Project 365.
Last night, while my mother taught me knitting, Stuart came back over and worked. He hasn't worked much over the holidays and it's now caught up with him. He's got a pile of assignments to do and not a lot of time left in which to do them. I try and help out with food and encouragement. I think he'll beat himself up over it because he didn't work in the week leading up to Christmas, but as I already know from endless experience, self-depracation gets you nowhere. Therefore, I spent yesterday and will now spend today doing my own thing while he gets through his work.
I am back in work tonight. I like nights but I also like days. I've liked the routine being on days has put me in. These last three mornings I've been wide awake at 9am and I attribute that to working days. There's none of this "oh, let me stay in bed" feeling I get when I work nights. My body is truly rested and it's telling me that. I love feeling as productive as I do when I work days. I think I would love to work days full-time but there's the quitting college thing I need to get around i.e. telling my colleagues and feeling their scorn/pity/disappointment. I may do it after the January exams.
In light of my need for a calm day, this is my to do list:
The week's meals:
Tonight: Ham, potato wedges and veg
Monday: BBQ with rice
Tuesday: Chicken curry with potato wedges
Wednesday: Something tinned; Stuart goes straight to college so I am on my own.
Thursday: Pasta
Friday: Chinese with my parents?
Saturday: Out for a meal with Math and Charl.
Plus there's still plenty of biscuits around and a lot of tinned stuff for lunches. The whole point of the meal planning exercise is to empty out my cupboards before I switch them around during my annual leave later this week.
After meal planning, I went food shopping on my own while Stuart began work on his millionth assignment (more on that later). I spent just over £70 which was hefty for what I bought but I suppose that's the cost of living these days. It didn't seem fair though. Most of the stuff I need for dinner next week was already in the cupboard. What's expensive is the fruit and the Dolmio stuff I take to work. I really need to look at a way of producing yummy, microwavable meals that are cheap and easy to prepare. There were a few toiletries and things that are more expensive than food but it seemed really hefty for what we eat.
I would have gone to Cardiff with the Mothership had she had the energy. That scares me: that my mother doesn't have the energy anymore. I worry about her shoulders and her carpal tunnel syndrome reoccurring. It makes me sad.
In the end, I stayed home and we went to Mum's for chilli later. Then she got the knitting needles out and taught me my first bit of knitting! I was so excited, although I keep getting it wrong. I should be crossing over the needles, slackening my hands more etc. But hey ho, it's my first shot and I was quite pleased with my effort. There's a photo on my Flickr under day two of Project 365.
Last night, while my mother taught me knitting, Stuart came back over and worked. He hasn't worked much over the holidays and it's now caught up with him. He's got a pile of assignments to do and not a lot of time left in which to do them. I try and help out with food and encouragement. I think he'll beat himself up over it because he didn't work in the week leading up to Christmas, but as I already know from endless experience, self-depracation gets you nowhere. Therefore, I spent yesterday and will now spend today doing my own thing while he gets through his work.
I am back in work tonight. I like nights but I also like days. I've liked the routine being on days has put me in. These last three mornings I've been wide awake at 9am and I attribute that to working days. There's none of this "oh, let me stay in bed" feeling I get when I work nights. My body is truly rested and it's telling me that. I love feeling as productive as I do when I work days. I think I would love to work days full-time but there's the quitting college thing I need to get around i.e. telling my colleagues and feeling their scorn/pity/disappointment. I may do it after the January exams.
In light of my need for a calm day, this is my to do list:
- Buy the sellotape dispenser and M&S utensil rack
- Track my progress on Joe's Goals (and edit the damn content!)
- Listen to three chapters of HP, making notes as I go.
- Watch an episode of Gavin & Stacey
Note how many e-mails I get today in my project book- Write some thank you cards.
- Put together the new lamp
- More knitting?
Take a photo for Project 365Preen myself for work: shower, wash and straighten hair,pluck eyebrows etc.- Draft out my personal statement (in work)
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